My fiance and I welcomed a handsome boy named Enzo on Sunday, September 24th at 9:03 PM. We’re grateful he’s healthy, yet there’s a lot I’d like to share here about my experience with centralized medicine in regards to birth.
Ever since we found out about the pregnancy, we knew that the only approach was the right one based on the principles of holistic health, home birthing, and midwifery.
As a result, we became obsessed and educated ourselves relentlessly.
We hired one of the best midwife couples in the nation - Lisa Marie Oxenham and Richard Oxenham. Lisa is actually my fiances biological aunt, so it’s funny how this all works when you seek.
Before this entire pre and post natal experience, I had no idea what midwifery was and had no concept of home birthing.
Lisa and Richard are experts in the field. Last I checked, Lisa has worked with over 650+ births while Richard has been through 350+ of them.
They’re modern day wizards in regards to holistic birthing, the midwife model of care, and much more that centralized medicine severely lacks.
Contractions began at around 2AM. We followed through with our home birth plan until around noon where our midwife and my fiance knew something wasn’t right.
As a result, we quickly changed plans and did a transport to a local (and very good) hospital. My midwife suspected an infection of some sort and that’s exactly what the staff who checked us in at the hospital said as well.
I won’t get into the details of how the infection occurred, but it was there.
The concern revolved around sepsis infection which is a very serious acute condition that can easily become fatal if not treated.
Here’s where it gets dicey.
The first set of nurses and doctors were correct, but their approach was nothing short of dog shit. They incessantly used fear mongering tactics to get us to bend to their wishes. I’m sure all of them had good intentions, but their behavior and attitude was making my fiance uncomfortable while she was in the middle of labor.
After getting some direction from my midwife, it was clear that I needed to step in and that’s exactly what I did. I explicitly stated how their approach was terrible and how uncomfortable it made us feel while we’re in the middle of the most important moment of our lives.
The staff knew that I was prepared and wasn’t somebody to fuck with.
We ended up waiting for the staff change where we could get a fresh start and that turned out to be a Godsend because our new doctor approached the situation differently. He had empathy. He used logic. He sat us down for an hour to explain everything from A-Z and why we needed to perform a C-section.
This, in my opinion, is where most of centralized medicine fails.
Our first doctor was cold-hearted, calloused, and had a pompous attitude. When I asked her questions, she implicitly let me know that she thought she was above me through her subtle gestures and attitude.
Our second doctor was incredible. I got along with him immediately due to his energy, warmth, and general understanding of the situation.
How many people are prepared to weather the storm of rush/fear based tactics in a crucial birth moment within a hospital setting?
Not many.
But I was sure as hell going to support my fiance to make sure we made the best decision possible from a conscious place, rather than being rushed into a decision we didn’t have all the information on.
If you’ve wondered why I didn’t want to go to the hospital for this birth in the first place, there’s your answer.
Allow me to be clear though, I have nothing against relying on centralized medicine when it’s absolutely necessary, as in our case. If I did, both the mother of my child and my child would have likely suffered greatly.
I’m about discernment and making sure I have enough of the right information on hand to end up with the best outcome.
That’s exactly what we did that day.
The C-section went well. We spent 3 days in the hospital to make sure everything was good to go. My baby boy and fiance are very healthy. I stand with a stronger sense of pride because I performed my duty as a man and father by protecting my loved ones.
Enzo is in great shape. He’s breastfeeding. Every vital metric of his looks excellent. Now, my fiance and I are enjoying another chapter of our lives with him.
It felt like we truly got to endure the entire spectrum of birth experiences in two days.
Have your non-negotiables in regards to a home birth plan, but always be ready to adapt when it’s urgent because that possibility is always there.
I want to share all the love in the world to my fiance Kara for riding through the most excruciating pain of her life for 12+ hours, while trusting me to protect her best interests.
I want to give a huge shoutout to our doulas Becca (for helping us throughout the home birth portion) and Jess for providing a sacred space within the chaos of the hospital.
I also want to give a massive thank you to Lisa and Richard for being the best midwife couple in the nation and helping us through every step of the process. They’re the best and we have so much love for them.
Centralized medicine offers great benefit in a specific context like ours. After all, it helped us. Yet, even the best hospitals (like ours) who take a bit of a more holistic approach still aren’t up to par with how true medicine should be practiced.
Regardless, we’re happy.
I have a newfound sense of experience that I can draw upon because of this. This will inform my work for years to come and I’m grateful for it.
For more information on my birth team, click the links below:
Allow me to be very clear in saying that our entire birth team performed flawlessly. They did exactly what they had to do and helped us make the right decisions. This was in no way, shape, or form their fault.
Much love,
Zaid
Congratulations! So happy everyone's safe and happy.
Thank you for the kind words 🙏🏼